I decided to post about this as its something that I struggle with on a daily basis but feel through my practice it has eased a little but I have a long way to go.
To know me I am usually always when I’m not having a rant about something really smiley and chatty almost annoyingly so. However beneath this big smile I plaster on to the world I have a internal battle going on. I find being round people exceptionally difficult which I am pushing to overcome through my training. The training weekends are the hardest and my anxiety about a weekend surrounded by others sends me in to an anxious state. I actually go into blind panic and regularly toy with the idea of not going at all. However through speaking about how I feel and being honest about it I feel so much better. Last month I was having a moment of wondering wether I was doing the right thing and had huge lapse in confidence. I spoke to some of the wonderful students on my course and turns out they felt the same way! I was shocked that I wasn’t the only one experiencing the flight feeling in fight or flight but to meet people that understand meant so much to me.
It is a daily battle to get out that front door because of how I regularly feel but through opening up and challenging that feeling maybe one day it won’t be such a task.
Sorry to go all deep on you there but I just needed to get things off my chest especially with the up and coming weekend.